Measure In Love
Brief Reflections on 2016
Dear michael saminsky,
Since today is the last day of 2016, I can’t get around writing something reflecting on this year.
Starting from the beginning, I kicked off 2016 with a Polar Plunge in New Hampshire with David King and friends. It was epic, and it reflected the excitement with which I entered the year. Twelve months later, and that excitement has worn off and I couldn’t be more ready for this year to be over. As usual, John Oliver captures the sentiment of the year best.
My 2016 had plenty of shitty moments, but nothing even close to as painful as losing my friend Drew Esquivel. In a single moment on July 16th, 2016, my whole year changed for the worse. It’s very weird how the entire 525,600 minutes are defined by something that happened in about 10 seconds.
In the face of such tragedy, it’s hard to even think about the good memories of 2016, and a part of me still feels selfish for even trying. But as I learned at Drew’s funeral, the solution to hurt is, paradoxically, to love until hurts. I feel that love every day now, protecting me like a Patronus. So most of all, I’ll remember 2016 as the year where I discovered that when The Universe chooses tragedy, I choose Love. I learned Love trumps hate, fear, despair, anger, and even suffering.
Out of the worst moment in 2016, came the foundation for the best: the moments where I tap into my love and appreciation for the sacredness of life. I tried to have as many of these moments each day as possible: when I’m sipping tea in the morning feeling my heart beat; when I’m biking to work singing Hamilton at the top of my lungs not caring what my fellow morning commuters think; when I’m eating a toasted Iggy’s bagel with Cream Cheese for lunch; and when I’m texting my family before bed. 2016 taught me that choosing love in these ordinary moments makes them sacred.
Above all else, what I take away from 2016 are three things. First, I felt the fear that comes from experiencing just how fragile life is, and it changed me. Second, I danced with that fear and concluded that it’s not worth holding on it. Third, I put down the fear, chose love, and decided to dance with it instead.
Love,
Sam
